Marred into Perfection

"Others have gone this way before me and they could even sing about it afterwards.
Will he who is so strong and gentle, be less faithful and gracious to me,
weak and cowardly though I am,
when it is so obvious the thing in which he takes most delight
 is to deliver his follows from their fears...
To turn weakness into strength.
Fear into faith.
And that which is marred into perfection."
~Hannah Hurnard
Hinds Feet on High Places.

Full of Contrast

We are people full of contrast. We are full of ambition, hope, and dreams.
But we live lives also filled with pain and hurt. Broken hearts and pent up emotion.
'We scream shout and sing.' We love and we hate. We trust and we deceive.
We stand strong, and we break down. Crying out in agony, or screaming out in relief.
We long for something bigger than ourselves. Bigger than our pain, and bigger than our problems.
But what is the answer, to the question everyone at some point asks.
when does the search for peace end?
Must let go. Must give up. Halfway is not good enough.
Falling down broken at the feet of Jesus.

Afraid but willing...

Ok, i wrote this poem last night, and i was really tired so its kinda strange. but oh well :)

Sit here surrounded
Drown out the screaming voices
Retreat into your mind
It's do or die. Just make the choice

Sing the song of pounding thoughts
Embrace the pain and ease the ache
Don't admit that your caught
Just shout out louder

Can't accept can't deny
Twist and bend, but don't fall over
Pick up your shattered heart
Lock it, hide it, no 2nd chance to start

Where are you running to?
You can only retreat for so long
Backed into a wall
Cold hard facts. You don't belong.

Palms of your hands reaching up
Cry the tears release the fears
Might be silently screaming
But wipe away the doubt

Twist and bend but I'm not falling over
Hold my shaking hands
He is still calling out
Climb out of the boat. Put your feet on land

Pulling desire yet such a fear
Craving the very thing I push away
So hopeless and alone
But the only remedy is my worst fear

I hope you know how hard this is
But I trust you.
Tear me apart if you must
Just don't ever leave...

For Julie

This is a poem I wrote for Jule's a while back... idk why i never posted it till now... When every dream around me ends And I lose hope in who I am I run to you, my closest friend Together there's so much we've been through You know  I've questioned my faith too This is not something new But you held my hand You helped me stand And maybe you don't understand But pain is part of God's bigger plan I'm not gonna leave your side Maybe I can't make things different Cause there've been many times I've tried But girl I'm not letting go of your hand Cause just like you listened to ever tear I've cried It's my turn to be strong And let you lean ... (read more)

Beautiful in His Eyes

I wrote this song for three of my close friends. Julie Deibler, Emily Coyle, and Lizzie Filipe. I love you guys, And I needed to say these things to you...   Verse 1: I can see that look in your eyes   The uncertainty that grips your mind   Endless wondering and dread combined   Yours nights spent in tears   Your days are unclear   But…   Chorus:   There's still something that I know is true   Jesus love will see you through   You are never left alone   And God can take away these tears   He can silence all these fears   But you got to choose to let them ... (read more)

I still miss you

Here I am once again Wishing I could talk to you I could write a letter but I refrain Somehow I'll get through   I've got your picture in my notebook Your letters in my nightstand It makes me cry each time I look But still I pray for you each day   I wish God had answered my prayer But I know he has the answer So I cling to him in my despair I know he had a purpose   But I still miss you Everything we talked about I always hoped it would last forever Cause it kills to sing without you   I need some strength to keep from crying I need some help to keep from falling I haven't quite found hope but I'm desperately ... (read more)

Yet Again

God where are you? How much can I take? I'm struggling to stay true. Not again, I cannot break, But God I'm in pain Can't you see these tears? I was doing good before these doubts came Make my sight clear, How much will you put me through? Can I even make it past today? I long for what I use to do I don't even have any words to pray My fragile heart is breaking My breath is running out My ability to resist is slowly waning Why do I choose to doubt? But al of this can't change things Perhaps my hope has disappeared But when in brokenness I sing... I remember your still here If I don't hear your call You keep holding out ... (read more)

Silent Chaos

I am surrounded by these clouds of people. People who’s voices are not always heard above the chaotic overtones of our own lives. A glance to my right brings into view a girl in a mini skirt with tattoo's up her arms. In an instant rush of focused thought I wonder. Is she too breaking apart? Does she believe in hope? Perhaps her life seems great. Maybe these souls that we judge by one glance are entirely different than what they seem. Or maybe she is waiting for someone to run up to her and reach past whatever she might be struggling with. But this frenzied world knows nothing of hope and silence and peace. I step ... (read more)

Father Bring me Close

 Father bring my close I long for your embrace You’re the only one who knows And I need to see your face I look up tonight And realize just how far I’ve gone I strain to see your light But how far is the dawn? Each time I change, I break I’ve slowly lost my sight So much of me is fake Please draw me near tonight I can’t find my way out The tears are falling down The day I began to doubt Was when I began to drown I’ve got nowhere else to run There's nothing  else to pray Could you see past all I’ve done? Could you pull me past this day? I lay broken at your feet With nowhere else to ... (read more)

I do this for you

I love the way you laugh with me I love that you’re so near to me But I wonder I wonder if I’m really what you see in me Cause my heart keeps changing My worry slows Then starts its raging Will you runaway? Will you love me enough to stay? Love me enough to pray Love me enough to say “You’re going to be ok.”? Do you love me enough? Now that I’ve told you Do you still think I’m so tough? Do you see that my heart is throbbing? Do you listen for my sobbing? I kept me hidden for a reason Kept me hidden because I was scared Kept me hidden because you’ll define me by a season Define me by my aching ... (read more)